Various people wrote me or posted about this recently, and I thought it’d be good to answer here.

“How do you stay active, or get yourself moving?”

I used to force it. I don’t do that anymore—it was not good. Sometimes it has to be done, but thankfully that’s not most of the time. Here’s what I like to do now:

Rhythms and Waves

I like to feel out my ultradian rhythms, so to speak. This internal sense of various ups and downs has become easier to detect since I started to listen to my body.

I like to ask myself: Am I at a high-tide point, or a low-tide point? In which direction is the tide heading? And the important one:

“Can I take advantage of the direction?”

For example, if the mood-tide is low, but rising, can I plan to leave for a hike or a walk in about 15-20 minutes? That way I should hit a high point during the activity, and a suitable rest period just after.

In my experience, these cycles are usually around 90 minutes. (This is also helpful during really bad sickness).

When I feel tired and am trending down in energy, I find a way to rest:

• I let myself yawn, sigh, lean back, slump over and drool, or whatever feels nice. Sometimes it feels really good to even exaggerate this a bit. It’s my way of reassuring my body: Take whatever time you need, I know you’ll help me out later.
• I like to lay down if possible, but I don’t necessarily take a nap. I do some introverted activities (the past / my past) like re-listening to a favorite podcast, or re-reading a favorite book, etc. These activities are really easy on the mind and you already know you can expect a pleasant experience.
• If I’m tired enough though, the benefits of even a short nap can be pretty amazing, so I’ll do that.
• I like to turn on music that I like. I had a brief Zoom call during a low point recently, so I listened to a favorite album during the call. (I’m pretty sure no one else heard it, or they were very polite about it)

When I feel energetic, and am trending up in energy, I try to find a way to take advantage of the energy:

• I may take a stimulant so that I can really harness my mental and physical resources.
• I try to make it easy to get into tasks later, by planning or brainstorming.
• I pick a variety of favorite activities, put them on a list, and make a little bit of progress. This feels really good.
• If I need to do something involving extroversion, this is a really good time to do it. For example, planning out or visualizing the next steps on a big project, or giving someone a call. (Sometimes the call is best for the tail end of this kind of energy)
• If I have been planning to do something generous, this is a really good time to carry it through, though it may not be the best time to conceive of the idea (see below).

Middle Ground

Sometimes the middle points are really nice, too. They help me to determine the emotional content of my plans, thoughts, intentions, etc. Usually if I had an idea to do something drastic, it needs to come down in tone a little bit. For example, if at a high point I decided to start a new project, I may need to circle back and make it easier to complete the project, by establishing a point at which I can call it done. Otherwise my expectations may be way too high.

Can you trust yourself?

Ask yourself:

• Do I trust myself enough to let myself slack off or just rest during a low moment?
• Do I trust myself enough to build on the high points and let myself be optimistic and creative?

For some of us, the answer is unfortunately “no.” If that’s you, I encourage you to find third-party standards, or just ask around to see where you measure up—compare how you use your time, or how often you take breaks, days off, vacations, etc.

Some of you who read my blog have set your standards way, way too high. And some of you have set standards so high that your doctor is worried about you! That’s important information, so please consider reaching out to professionals or friends and family, and finding ways to see how your levels compare, so to speak.

It never hurts to be gentle with yourself, so if the answer can be changed to “I don’t fully trust myself, I’m a slacker, but I’ll try new things and see how it goes,” I think that is a good way to make a really good start.

Filed in: Fitness /31/ | Goals /52/ | Energy /120/ | Procrastination /23/ | Productivity /119/

Evelyn writes,

You wrote about rigid people who want to learn about a few easy principles and then dive right into application of these principles with a rigid mindset, instead of using a framework. Could this practice itself become part of a new framework? Maybe it could teach some good lessons about flexibility?

There’s an interesting thought! It may be worth a try in some cases for sure.

Improvisation is certainly scattered throughout the framework design process, so we don’t want to throw that away altogether. And sometimes people learn big lessons from this kind of activity. While I personally don’t see myself telling someone, “OK, right off the bat you should take the most rigid mindset possible, dogmatize the first few things you learn, and see how it goes,” I would guess that you’re talking about something that’s more gentle, educational, and conversation-guided.

So if one can be aware that they’re doing this in a conscious fashion, and hopefully understand the possible positive / negative outcomes, then that might work really well.

If it’s unconscious though…maybe not so much? And it’s easy to overload the consciousness in new undertakings, so some balance would need to be found.

It’s also important to understand that there’s a form of improvisation involved in hypothesizing and testing those hypotheses, which can help expand or improve a framework. And some dogmatic rigidity may be helpful in reflecting on the results.

And I think that might be a good way to redirect a tendency toward rigidity: Quantification, logging, recording. “Here, you should be REALLY rigid in quantifying your results,” for example. Even then, over time you’d have to work in some flexibility. (I know that I have had to learn to be super flexible with logging, quantification, and testing processes. Rigid testing methods can derail or misdirect efforts to get at a desired outcome, if they’re not adjusted or discussed.)

Finally, you can think of a framework by itself as a work of long-term improvisation, or broad-minded experimentation at the very least. There may be really good reasons to think of a framework this way, and it doesn’t have to negate anything related to the benefits of the deep and deeply-organized parts of the framework.

Filed in: Planning /17/ | Productivity /119/

Since I spend a lot of time creating new frameworks, reviewing my frameworks, and writing or talking about framework design, I wanted to share some thoughts on an aspect that can be really difficult: Sharing one’s framework(s) with other people.

Most of the time, people who are interested in a third-party framework don’t want to go deep. They want a solution ASAP. They’ll email me, “hey Marc, love the blog, can you share your framework for weight loss” or something like that. And I get it, they’re out there aiming for results and they feel like this breezy approach is serving them best, because they are able to put a lot of energy into evaluating and comparing alternatives.

Those situations aren’t the focus of this article though. What I’ll write about here are those people who are ready to go deep, but who bring a rigid mindset into the world of frameworks. How do you work with these people?

The Newbie Effect: Extreme Rigidity

It’s common for newbies to be pretty rigid. To give an example, many years ago I discovered that I was the most senior student in a group of martial arts students. A new student arrived to try out our classes, and our Sifu, Sifu Hone, told the new student, “Marc is going to be your partner. Marc, please help him through today’s exercises.”

My FIRST thought was, I’ve never done this before, and I don’t know what to expect, but it feels damn good to be recognized! So I started working out with this new guy, walking him through the various partner exercises.

“Mother F***ER,” was my second thought. Why did everything seem so hard, and hurt so…geez** F*** H*** SH**, and then I just had to stop. This guy was way too rigid, and one or both of us was going to get injured in no time.

“So uh, the point of this exercise is to really keep our movements light and flexible,” I said. I gave some examples: Let your shoulders come down (they were moving up toward his ears!), let the weight of your body do a lot of the work.

The new guy wasn’t convinced. I could read his thoughts, because I had thought them before myself: “A fighting art, huh? I’ll see how tough these guys are.”

He thought we were supposed to be hitting, when in fact we were making hitting movements in a light and flexible way, which is totally a thing that you can do to get warmed up and stretched out, and make sure you don’t get injured later. I mean, this is about 2 minutes into the class.

I continued, “we’ll do really hard stuff here in a little bit, but you will need to have functional limbs in order to get to that point.” I tried to get him to laugh but I think it went over his head.

Light and Flexible Movements Seem So Corny and Wimpy!

Working with frameworks is very similar to this example. When you design, warm up, and practice with a framework, it’s crucial to be light and flexible. But if you tell a newbie to do this, they may start to distrust the idea of using a framework.

Maybe let’s just dive into things, they’ll think. Why do I need this framework if it’s so flexible? Does it even have a stucture?

They want things to be: Final, definitive, true, etc.

Coincidentally, they also want things to be: Fast, effective, hard-hitting, and pain-relieving.

It’s crucial to learn to ditch this attitude when you’re doing serious work over a period of time. There’s no way around it: Rigidity can absolutely undercut your results from any given framework. It can drain your energy before you’re even past the first milestone, so that by the time the important steps come later (“Now it’s time to review your mistakes and make a plan to integrate what you’ve learned!”), you find those steps impossible.

Rigidity can also lead you into serious mistakes in the big picture. Like completely ignoring the big picture, because what good are those vague principles anyway?

And it can also make you distrust a perfectly good framework. It’s very easy to displace one’s own issues in the direction of the framework itself, and give up, when even asking a few questions might have solved the issue entirely.

How to Work Around This

First, when sharing frameworks, examples are important. People want to understand the practical side. It may help to provide a specific anecdote to remember. Here’s one:

“One time I shared my weight loss framework with a friend. It was a 17 KB text file, well-organized, but still over 3,000 words long. I briefly explained the various items in the table of contents. My friend gestured toward the document and said, ‘this will never work for me. I need ONE simple instruction from which I can never deviate. I need the ONE and only rule!’ So I asked my friend: If I told you the one and only way to ride a bike was to ride ONLY in a straight line and VERY fast, would you take my advice? ‘Not really,’ he replied. ‘But I guess that’s how I thought about riding a bike when I was a kid.’”

This was a fully-grown adult, with a weight loss problem. Would it be a stretch to suggest that they needed to loosen up?

Second, it can help to warn people what to expect. “Look, you’ll probably injure yourself by overdoing your trail running at first,” for example, or “you might be over-protective with your investments at first, and sell your stocks at the slightest market deviation, or intuition that the market will dip.”

Finally, this can also be a good opportunity to explore your own intentions, and decide whether you really want to create something like an on-boarding framework. An on-boarding framework is part of a meta-framework that helps people more easily experience what you’ve created. It generally moves people from loose to rigid, which prepares them to go back to a loose stance again later when they really start to learn.

But Sometimes You Don’t Work Around It

Personally, when I do decide to make these kinds of simple on-boarding frameworks I find it enjoyable to help out beginners. But a lot of times I don’t make them at all. This is often because my existing, deep, and flexible framework brought me to a level I like, but now I want to continue building up, taking advantage of new-found momentum and interest.

And I think that’s 100% OK. I would recommend that thought process to anyone who’s even slightly bothered by the idea of sharing their work. Not everything we make has to be as a demonstration, lesson, or instructional manual for others.

This is especially important for us INTJs to consider, given the way we tend to prize our intellectual deference from other people. We can get really caught up in trying to get others to tell us how great our ideas and plans are. And in the process of trying to coax that response, we get caught up in trying to predict what other people want so we can deliver a performance in a really general, common-denominator sense:

• People aren’t gonna read this long document. They need a picture, a cartoon, or some funny one-liners!
• Nobody’s going to sit in this stuffy room listening to a lecture. They want music! Action! Activity! Humor!
• The average person doesn’t care about this stuff. Show them what improvements they will be able to see.

This is a great setup for a performance. But a lot of INTJs have shared with me, in coaching sessions, the problems they’ve stumbled into by moving into this kind of performance mode, when gentle-tutor-mode or counselor-mode would have been way better.

Setting healthy boundaries to create a learning environment often involves pushing on the student a bit. It can involve you telling them: “Show me how and why you’re ready for this, and we’ll start when I can be sure that you have loosened up to prepare for the really hard work ahead.” It’s good for the rigid new student to be given a direct challenge, sometimes. And it’s good for the teacher to ask themselves about the specifics: “How would I know that the student is bringing the right approach into this lesson?”

Filed in: Essays /52/ | Control /110/ | Relationships /78/

Well, here we are at the end of what has been a bit of a long and annoying year. It’s time to review my new year’s resolutions before dreaming up the new ones.

(By the way, I’ve started calling my New Year’s Resolutions “New York Resolutions.” I don’t know why. I made this typo earlier in the year and decided I like the way it sounds. I also refer to them as “NYR” below.)

So, some lessons learned, about 2020’s New York Resolutions:

COVID Chaos

I’ll just note up front that every one of my resolutions was negatively impacted by COVID-19, and about 25% were made significantly harder, or completely irrelevant, by COVID-19.

An example of a mostly-irrelevant resolution would be, “upgrade your wardrobe a bit, like get some new pants” which suddenly made very little sense compared to my new goals of 1) getting used to lots of Zoom calls, 2) helping my friends and family stay happy and healthy, and 3) generally not dying.

Still, even in all the excitement, I was glad to be able to push forward on most of the resolutions. It felt resilient and healthy to do so.

Milestones

I keep a separate list of what I call “Milestones.” This list includes some things that I planned and accomplished, but it also includes things I didn’t plan for, that were kind of random, but that were still really cool or noteworthy, or even sadly transformative on a personal level.

Examples:

• We hit the five-year INTJ blog anniversary! What a great experience this has been.
• I published FE2M and the A2i Loop concept, and made an early start on Capture Mapping.
• I started a new framework for learning more about CAD software, and made some first big steps in learning CAD. I have some projects for which this ought to be useful in the distant future. (I have done a lot of 3D modeling, texturing, lighting, rendering, and animation, but I know relatively little about CAD)
• I purchased a vintage musical keyboard that I owned as a kid, cleaned it up a bit, and spent some time re-learning it and even continuing with some old goals I had as a kid. This was a lot of fun and I recorded it as a milestone as a form of encouragement, and also as an opening to reflect on what I like about music, and how music influenced me in the past.
• A friend defended me to the point of fiercely standing up for me to another “friend”. This one still reads as a bit immature and little-picture, almost like part of a soap opera. But I’m learning that it’s important for INTJs to give attention to this kind of thing, in order to be happy, balanced, and active in real life’s occasionally important drama. This one was an important milestone for me because processing the event helped me understand better what it means to have a true friend, compared to a friend who is more of a douchebag. (I feel like I should have learned this lesson many years ago in grade school, but some lessons we have to learn across different contexts, over time, and with different details in the picture.)
• Alex Trebek passed away. This is one of the few entries where I included a celebrity passing away, but his presence made my life more interesting and enjoyable. This milestone gave me an opportunity to reflect on my childhood, which was generally pleasant exactly because shows like Jeopardy were on the air. This event also helped me reflect on the kind of things I’d like to do going forward.

I hit 50 milestones in 2020 by November 14, and this made me happy, but a lot of the happiness comes from the activity of recording the milestones.

So: If you aren’t recording little milestones that you hit in your life, I encourage you to do that. It’s a good way of keeping a simple life history without all the writing. I use really simple bullet points.

Some Tips on Organization and Measurement

I keep a separate text file where I list my resolutions. More on this later. But one thing I do inside this text file is label each resolution with progress markers from Task BATL.

A couple of examples:

• [F-0_] Start using dust covers on tools in the workshop.
• [V-4i] Improve the website for your calculator collection (25m)
  • x Switch to a new layout format
  • x Use a really lightweight CSS framework
  • Decide which platform to use for the database (10m, make a comparative list between 2-3 options)
  • Break the content into separate pages (5m, copy & paste into separate files or db entries)
  • Publish and redirect URLs (10m)

These are really simple examples, showing that the first item, relating to general comfort, specifically quality-of-life items (F or circle items) hasn’t been started and has no structure. The second item, a values-based goal (V, or diamond, related to personal values) is about 50% done on a 0-9 scale.

The second item also includes the i indicator after the progress scale, meaning that it includes in-depth time and task clarity. This increases the likelihood that the item will be accomplished.

The first item shows an underscore, indicating that it still needs to be estimated in this way. This is a sign that a goal or resolution is lacking in clarity. Clarity is important for lots of different things.

Well, this notation has been super helpful in 2020. It’s easier to accomplish a 10-minute task than to accomplish one that’s (length unknown). And it feels good to do everything in my power to make a goal easier. It’s just one less mental excuse.

A Little Bit of Measured Progress is Great

I also discovered that even only reaching 20% or 40% progress by the end of the year feels really good, as long as I measured the progress, and knew what to do next. In other words, at the end of this year, an F-2 is totally fine. A V-5 is awesome.

I didn’t expect that it would feel this good just to have a really clear and substantial foothold.

Easiest-first Works Best for Me

I like to keep my list ordered, from top to bottom. So far, easiest-first ordering works best. Here’s what easiest-first ordering means:

• If it sounds interesting to me, it’s easier.
• If I know all the steps, it’s easier.
• If it won’t take long, it’s easier.
• If there’s a really tempting reward at the end, it’s easier.

And then it follows that the lower-down, harder resolutions are:

• Less interesting
• Less clear
• Longer in duration
• Not as clearly related to tempting rewards

This helps me determine whether I remove the lower-down resolutions entirely, or mark them like [F-F] or [V-F], (F is for “Forward”) which means I’ve decided to put them on hold while I think about them, maybe for next year.

Calendared Reminders were Kind of Lame

I ignored about 75% of my calendared reminders to review my resolutions. This was mostly OK, but I didn’t like how it felt.

Next year I will place NYR on my weekend template, rather than on my main calendar. The weekend template is much better suited to big-picture thinking and planning, and encourages a looser approach (I’m trying to bring my weekday template closer to this kind of thing, too).

Some Money Lessons

Prioritizing money for hobbies was hard this year. I have a VERY dominant preference to spend my hobby money in little bits here and there, as my fancy strikes.

I know this is not optimal in the thinking sense, because we have big moves to make here, so why are you buying comic books and toys and candy and random MP3s by obscure musicians? But I have to do something with my feelings, because feelings are what hobbies are about, and this feels really good, spreading those creative wings broader here and there, in little ways.

As an example, I did not buy the expensive ham radio transceiver that I thought would be really cool. DEFINITELY BUY THAT, went my thinking at the time. MAKE IT A RESOLUTION. But that was also a resolution built on a particularly high emotional wave.

And I feel good about watching that wave come and go. Not buying that really cool thing made room for lots of neat little experiences. The fun was just spread around a bit, increasing the likelihood that when I wasn’t really drawn into the radio archetype, I’d be able to enjoy spending my energy on something else.

So this practice is generally more fulfilling to me in a big way. But this means that as hobbies get more expensive, I need to find new ways to approach those hobbies, finding the less-expensive part of the hobby.

I like this cost-savings challenge. To continue with the ham radio example, I can find ways to have more fun with my existing gear, or I can explore the theory side of the hobby, or I can write more instructional materials for others. There’s a lot that can be done to enjoy a hobby without spending money.

Bridging the Two Pictures

In personality type, we talk a lot about the “big picture” and the “little picture.” For example, intuitive processes (N) are sometimes explained as big-picture practices, and sensory processes (S) are explained as little-picture practices.

Sometimes the big picture needs more attention. Sometimes the little picture needs attention. I know I’ve said before: Big-picture goals really help me act in a flexible way. As an INTJ with that N intuition factor, that makes a lot of sense.

In my goal setting though, it’s bridging the two that seems most crucial. In fact, it’s not always clear whether one is working with the little picture or the big picture. It’s more like the direction of one’s attention that’s important:

• Is my new painting hobby the big picture? Should I make some specific goals within painting, or should I move bigger-picture and explore art in general?
• Do I really want to get better at list-keeping, or should I maybe explore the role of lists in my big-picture, general organization practice?
• Do I want to cruise through another year of letting relationship details stay loose, or would it help me to go little-picture and set some specific boundaries here and there?

As an example of bridging the two: Big-picture goals like “give more hugs” might seem appropriate given the relative lack of importance of the goal. Especiallly compared to something like “save to buy a car.” But this goal can feel very frustrating in the end if not accomplished even a little bit. So some little-picture steps, like “make a list of people I like to hug,” “figure out substitutes for hugs during COVID,” or “hug your kids before school each morning” could really help.

I consider these steps a bridge down from the big picture to the little picture, with the “littlest picture” being things like “pick out a place to make a list,” or “ask friends how they are showing affection these days.”

Goals Started, Goals Quit

New year’s resolutions lists are also useful as a way to determine just how important a goal might be. For example, if all of your goals about writing books are being put off again and again, maybe you need to get organized, or just work harder. But maybe those incomplete goals are also telling you: “Don’t worry about this goal, it won’t be as helpful as you think, for all the trouble it will cause.” This is a very intuitive prompting. It’s more like a distant feeling or nudge.

Sometimes it’s really important to get off the rails we’ve created for ourselves, and that’s hard.

Planning Alone is a Good Outcome

We humans love to tell each other: Do it.

But in analyzing my goal activities, I found that I really appreciated goals that started with, and even ended with, “make a plan.” This kind of basic foothold-making is a really good goal for me, even if it’s a bit less tangible than having done the thing.

I usually end up creating a well-structured text file with a to-do list, some next steps, a log, and links to resources. When I return to the goal later, I can make a little bit of progress, or a lot, and the structure really helps in either case.

Making Outside Connections is Important

Some goals come from areas that are so new that a lot of outside consultation or even just venting is needed.

For example, let’s say you’re annoyed that your bedroom doesn’t look like the ones in the pictures you see online. Your wish is to sleep inside a veritable work of art like you’ve seen on Instagram.

As it is, you’ve still got a large, half-filled cardboard box next to your bed from last year’s cleaning session. A long, ugly, extension cord stretches across your room to where you charge your phone. And your ramshackle nightstand, a freebie from a relative, not exactly ugly, but also looking pretty outdated, supports a tall and dusty stack of books.

In this case there are a couple of big disadvantages:

• You don’t have any experience creating Instagram-friendly bedrooms. This is huge. You have no idea how much of the effect comes from reduction, how much comes from cleaning, how much is painting, how much is lighting, and how much is photography. This alone can be a silent goal-killer.
• A lot of different, detailed changes are probably necessary: Strategizing about different ways to charge your phone, what to do with the things in the cardboard box, and how to replace, dispose of, or otherwise upgrade the nightstand.

In this kind of situation, I think it’s reasonable to expect a lot of annoyance, mental blocks, and general lack of momentum. And in that kind of situation, there’s nothing like a good venting session to start to break through. Something must be done with the emotion, or, worst case, it will take care of itself through an unwanted outburst or other cringy moments.

So, I do find that it’s nice to be able to consult with others. People usually want to help, if they can. And a lot of people have resources or experiences that I don’t. In the example above, I wouldn’t be surprised if among a group of 2-3 friends or family members, you found one or two with some helpful advice, or maybe even one with a spare nightstand. Regardless, it’s the reaching out that really counts—this alone helps to settle the emotional balance and open up the door to future bursts of activity.

Some Personal Goal Examples from 2020

Here are some updates on specific goals I mentioned last year.

1. Refine my meta-organizational system for documents, frameworks, and general information

This has gone really well. As one example, when I started using text files as my main method for organization and logging, I created more files (more specific topics) than I needed. So I consolidated a lot of them, and this made it easier to find stuff.

One of the reasons I used to make different text files was that I didn’t like to scroll around so much. But now I use tags, ToCs, and the same general organization principle for every text file. So scrolling and using textual search isn’t a big deal at all, and I know where to find stuff.

2. Enhance my publishing system. Right now if I want to publish to PDF or e-Book or HTML it’s not too bad, but it could be a lot better.

This got a little better, and I made about 30% progress. I am absolutely OK with that. Lots of other, more important goals were on the list.

3. Become more of a this-or-that kind of person (not quite ready to share this yet, as 2020 is oddly specific…but I thought I’d mention the type of goal, as it’s been helpful in years past)

I made 20% progress on my “becoming” goal because it involved being around other people, and COVID totally smashed this one to bits.

4. Make more use of my Coaching website for publishing.

I made only a tiny bit of progress on this goal. Why? Well, I discovered that I have conflicting goals for my Coaching website, so reconciling those possible projects and outcomes has become a new goal.

But there were more…

I wrapped up the year with about 25 resolutions on my list, and I removed about 10-15 throughout the year. Some of my favorites were those that I added about halfway through the year.

Conclusion

Well, that’s it for now. A long post for sure, but it’s been helpful to review here and solidify my thoughts. I hope some of this has been useful to you as well.

Overall my NYR log for 2020 looks like a murder scene, with lots of edits, moves, updates, time estimates, sub-projects, and so on. And I really like this look. It looks like progress.

Here’s to a massively-improved 2021!

Filed in: Productivity /119/ | Interests /111/ | Intuition /62/ | Essays /52/ | Planning /17/ | Goals /52/

A Reddit user writes:

Hello! I found your comment on an old INTJ post and wanted to see if you can provide some advice?

I could use similar advice on “become a more pleasant, empathetic person, focusing on win-win strategies during negotiations, trying to turn “no” into “yes” more often by finding satisfactory middle ground, etc”

For the last year I’ve been trying to work on these by self-monitoring but I still slip up and can come down to hard in discussions on suggesting “the way” instead of asking questions and coaching people to “a way”. Any specific books, videos, tips you have found helpful?

I have written a lot of advice that relates to this here on the blog. You may also find the relationships tag and the How to Think Better as an INTJ article good starting points for designing things like negotiations and other group undertakings.

In my experience it’s best to start by laying down the principles you’d like to adhere to, and then asking: If I’m adhering to the principle of “win-win”, what’s a win-win look like for this project, etc. INTJs are good at this kind of conceptual design.

You may also wish to design in specific milestones at which you zoom out to look at the big-picture, conceptual level again and check in on those principles.

IMO it’s generally more helpful to get into the specific project-by-project and person-by-person parameters ASAP rather than taking the more generalized books & videos approach. For this reason it’s hard to recommend any specific books or videos at this time. However you may also want to take a look at Dario Nardi’s books like 8 Keys and Jung’s Magic Diamond for long-term development purposes.

I hope this helps! All the best to you —Marc

Filed in: Ti /30/ | People /74/ | Careers /40/ | Fe /20/ | Relationships /78/

A few general updates:

Free Dice Roller Printable

Today I published a free D6 Dice-roller Sheet. It’s a sheet filled with random D6 dice roll numbers.

I have been running some solo RPG campaigns, but I didn’t like the idea of rolling dice with a bunch of books in my lap, and somehow I’ve never really enjoyed using dice apps on my phone. So I thought, let’s “just” make a simple sheet of random numbers.

Using Object Pascal! Whee, nostalgia fun!

Oh, it’s broken somehow on my system. More IT work is needed. Added to To-Do list.

OK, so let’s use uh, PHP on the command line. It’s been a while and it’s kind of underdog-fun.

(1 hour later)

OK, this needs a monospace font. Oh, and maybe two font sizes to choose from.

OK done. Since this took a non-negligible amount of time to accomplish, I decided to share it online.

RPG Recommendations

I wanted to share some of the RPGs and RPG supplements I’ve enjoyed using and reading lately.

These aren’t affiliate links, so I’m probably missing out on all kinds of revenue here (ha)…

First: Atomic Robo by Evil Hat Games. This is a beautiful book, just fun to read.

Next, Supers! Revised Edition (a.k.a. Supers! RED) by HAZARD Studio. This game makes Superhero roleplaying easy. The system is simple to understand and it’s easy to get a game going.

The Search & Destroy supplement for Supers! by Stone Mountain Press is also really impressive if you like modern settings with more gritty, realistic action. It also offers rules for vehicle chases and ORGANIZATIONAL COMBAT which could be like…CIA vs. KGB, or whatever you’d like it to be…I ran “Billion-dollar Cult vs. Small Independent South American State Government” and had a lot of fun generating a scenario.

Including: Precis Intermedia Titles

Finally, I have to share these Precis Intermedia books…these are PACKED with value. It’s insane. The design is good, the contents are interesting, and the little add-ons like extra character templates and optional rules are really impressive.

• EarthAD.2 Expanded RPG (Apocalyptic Adventure)
• HardNova 2 Revised & Expanded RPG (Space & Sci-Fi)
• Mean Streets Expanded RPG (Mystery, Detective, & Pulp)
• Mean Streets: Home Front Supplement (WW2 Mysteries, like that one BBC show)
• Ghostories Expanded RPG (Supernatural Adventure)
• Coyote Trail Expanded RPG (Western)
• Coyote Trail: Colonial Record Supplement (Includes a cool system for forts, castles, and armies)

Amazingly, on top of the really good value, these are all GDi system RPGs, so they can be combined really easily. You could run Post-apocalyptic Casablanca with Mean Streets Expanded and EarthAD.2 Expanded, for example.

For tabletop miniatures skirmish gaming, I’ve also been reading New World Disorder Expanded which has been really cool so far. It even comes with printable minis with which you can do battle.

I’m putting a nicely-organized RPG gaming binder together (you know there are at least thousands of us in Hard Copy Clan, right?) and it’s been a lot of fun combining various printouts and reorganizing my Solo RPG frameworks.

Well, and, uh…picking out just the right mechanical pencil. And some nice graph paper. Oh, and some lined paper, it’s been a while but I kind of miss that format. And…

Happy Holidays everybody!

Filed in: Books /10/ | Randomness /26/ | Interests /111/

From my drafts folder, part of a reply to S. Sorry, S, for the delay. S. had asked:

Do you ever hesitate to tell people where you’re going on vacation? Especially if you’re excited about it?

I feel bad, because a coworker seems to be offended that I wouldn’t share details of where I’m going for vacation. Is it unfair to expect her to not ask about personal stuff like this?

S. goes on to say that he was unable to make himself share even the name of the continent. (I think probably on principle, more than anything)

LOL. Sorry, S. I laugh because I can identify, but also, I don’t want to identify. We both know that it sucks to feel like we’re offending people by doing our normal thing. By being…our selves.

Anyway, at least you are, for better or for worse, in good hands here, among us paranoid introverts.

I’m guessing part of the annoyance was due to the special feeling of having your own special vacation plans, but part of it was also the coworker asking, right? Or because you yourself would never ask that.

It’d be interesting to know—did she want to be asked about her own plans? Or is she hoping to spark up a friendship? Or does she want to be the one in the office who can build a bridge out to you, so to speak? (Yikes, maybe it’s best not to dwell on that, the prediction stuff. Too much too early can prevent good relationships from forming…)

Anyway, back to the privacy part. Yeah, I know I can also start to hedge a bit for weird reasons. Reasons that would be hard to explain, that is. But I think the reasons do form up into a sort of firm, internal logic.

Sometimes it’s because I worry about talking about my fun / exciting stuff out loud, for fear of jinxing the whole deal. FOR ONCE IN MY GOT DAM LIFE, the thinking goes, MAYBE I COULD JUST ENJOY SOME ME TIME, AWAY FROM THE ANNOYANCES OF THE WORLD, says the thinking.

And, if nobody knows how epic it will be, nobody can spoil(s) it, (Gollum voice) or something like that.

Not much more to say, no real advice to give. Hopefully there’s some middle ground when you feel pressed to respond.

I wonder if it would make sense to aim for a > 100 km. radius of privacy around your vacation spot? Like, “I’m going to [Small Country],” and, if pressed, “Well, it’s kind of up North in [Small Country]?” and if pressed further, I think it’s fair to say you’ll be exploring the general area, or to feign forgetfulness…

…or to ask why—are they planning a surprise visit?

Joking, of course.

Filed in: People /74/ | Careers /40/

Trey writes,

Can you give some examples of ENFP guys on Youtube?

Sure! You ready to have some fun??? Haha.

Liam Thompson, Funny New Zealander (Carson family favorite)

Perifractic from Retro Recipes, Retro-computing Expert

Scooby1961, Epic Gay Engineer & Bodybuilder

Steven Lim, Worth It Guy

Dr. John Dehlin, Excommunicated Mormon, and Popular Critic of the Mormon Church

(Warning: Deep, sometimes dark, Fi stuff. John sings a very effective counter-hymnal to the ISTJ-leaning Mormon leadership)

Jesse Kimmerling, Adventurist-Traveler

Brandon Farris, Funny Things-Tryer

Phew! That should hold you for now Trey ;-)

(…OK fine, she is in a favorite band called “Men I Trust,” so here’s an ENFP female, Emmanuelle Proulx, for the heck of it.)

Filed in: People /74/ | ENFP /4/

Sarah writes,

I’m an INTJ and I have an INTJ daughter. I love her but we’ve had some disagreements lately. I hate to say it but I lectured her a bit and I know she has heard it all before. What can I do to support her?

Man, I feel like I’ve been on both sides of this kind of question being a parent myself. That’s not fun at all, feeling uncool or ineffective as a parent.

Some things I would do pretty soon:

• Stay as far away from criticism as possible while you shore things up.
  • Sometimes a parent’s best move is to throw their arms up and walk away. Parents need to recoup energy, too.
• Calmly renew your focus on, and support for, her individuality.
  • Ask yourself: What does she do, or say, that helps her feel like she’s different, or that she stands out?
  • How can you support her efforts to understand herself through those activities, even if the specific activities may bother you?
• Commit to building a positive interaction and messaging environment. Use objective activities and other objects:
  • Hey, let’s rent a movie we both want to watch.
  • Hey, let’s shop for a board game that sounds fun.
  • Hey, let’s shop for some new and interesting snacks, or a seasonal food we like.
  • These activities should help you both to talk happily about things that aren’t you guys, is the point.

Things I would never, ever avoid, that a lot of INTJ parents would try to avoid:

• Apologizing
  • (If possible I wouldn’t do this while she’s in a bad mood…usually it’ll add even more negative memories for her to process)
• Sharing regrets
  • “I have a lot of regrets as a parent. You know, a lot of days I think I’ve been just an awful parent. lmao.”
  • I know, I know, this may lead you into some conflict with your concept of self, and how great, yet unrecognized, you are. Treat it like an experiment.
  • If you’re feeling down, you can skip this one, or try it if you think a little sympathy play could help you move up and out.
  • This also requires harboring regrets, which may lead you through a learning experience
• Asking how you can be a better parent
  • (don’t expect an immediate answer, or any answer)
  • Just asking the question is good. Like, “if there’s ever a time when you think I could be a better parent, I hope you’ll share your thoughts with me.”

Things I would do long-term:

• Set up a formal area / file where you keep notes on what’s working and not working in this relationship
  • This will help you avoid making the same mistakes and regrets again. This happens to INTJs a LOT when they don’t set up a system or journal, so be careful.
  • Start writing down some fun memories here. Later on you can share them with her.
• Set aside a gift and some examples of a kindly-worded note, for when they’re having a hard day
• Support their friendships and relationships with other people in your family
• Invest in listening-without-advice. Soak up and reflect emotion like a sponge. Nothing more. No execution, no plan, no conclusion.

Finally:

• Take care of yourself as a parent. I know you are probably having a hard day yourself. Do something you enjoy today. Things will get better from here.

Filed in: People /74/ | Parenting /5/ | Relationships /78/

Systems thinking is something a lot of INTJs really like to chew on. We think in systems, so it’s simple, and our ego is all tied up in it, so we feel there’s never enough of it in the world.

Does a problem exist in our life? If so, “might as well do more systems thinking,” comes the call from within.

(And I mean, systems thinking feels really smart and powerful to us because we have a psychological stake in it, but sometimes I have to think it’s a pretty stubborn, grumpy, way-too-adult-like process, too…)

Sometimes we get caught with our system-thinker pants down though. We can end up so zoomed-out that we have one big, vague, “meta-meta-meta-system”, while what we really need is more like a “sub-system.” Something that’s simple, well-defined, and easy to work with.

A Helpful System of My Own

There are lots of different kinds of systems. This is, I think, an under-appreciated aspect of systems thinking. When you think of everything as a system, or as part of a system, it’s easy to start to blur the lines, but delineation can be really helpful in preventing us from losing leverage over the details.

One type of system I like designing is a personal daily support system. One of my favorite daily support sub-systems lately is something I call “Weeklies.” It’s a set of tips, practices, or principles that I change up or reevaluate about once a week, and make little changes to every couple of days.

The name probably sounds way too obvious, and you know I’m not here to be the guy who pats you on the head and lets you go on happily thinking you know everything already. So here are some specific principles of its design:

• I don’t add work-related tasks to this list. This is bigger-picture than work and much more subjective. Work is more of a subject-object game that benefits from a different set of systems.
• I don’t keep specific tasks on this list for longer than 1 week without changing what I’ve written about them. More, or different, details will offer a change in leverage points.
• This list is designed to be temporarily forgettable. It’s not like a calendar. I can forget about it for a couple days, and that’ll suck, but no emergencies will probably occur.
• I need to be able to insert this list anywhere inside my text editor (and hit Undo to make it go away), so I don’t have to go hunting for it.

I typically refer to the Weeklies list a few times a day. This keeps me in touch with the big picture. In my journaling text editor, I type “wk” and press TAB and this injects my list of Weeklies from a text file.

Here are some items on this week’s list:

• Lean very heavily on Task BATL circle items from my interests list. These circle items, representing fun, self care, and personal interests, make up more than 2/3 of my Task BATL to-do list, and they add lots of color and relief to my life in the face of heavy responsibilities. That’s right—I may spend a HUGE portion of my daily schedule watching music videos on Youtube, or visiting online museums, or playing some ION Fury or some other fun thing. It’s really important that I have this emotional-values support working actively, or I know I’ll start to feel depressed.
• Rebase and Debrief in a mini-notebook frequently, or use Mousepad (a different text editor, for a from-scratch writing experience). Rebasing and Debriefing are two techniques from Task BATL. They help me to break free of the details, remove myself from a deep context temporarily, and sort out the big picture. Otherwise it’s too easy to get derailed and focus on things that aren’t contributing to a satisfying daily/weekly/monthly/life-ly outcome.
• Deepen some interests. As an introvert, it helps me to know that stuff is going deeper. If stuff is not going deeper, I’ll start to feel more scatterbrained, and less like a focused person. Since I keep a lot of logs I can usually look at a specific log to see where I’m at and what I can do next.

質問 for you

• Do you have a personal daily support system? What’s it look like? How can it be improved?
• If you don’t have one yet, what are some important design principles? What should it do for you, if it’s going to be a success?
• Think about the people around you as part of a system. Do you know how the people around you like to support you? What do they like to offer you?
  • Do you know when you need that kind of support—can you sometime identify those moments in advance (a big relationship improver)?
• What are some tools you’d like to explore, or develop, for implementing or improving your support system?

Filed in: Energy /120/ | Technology /41/ | People /74/ | Interests /111/ | Control /110/