The following is not medical advice. If you are suffering from depression, always consult with a medical or mental health professional.

I wrote a little about depression behavior for INTJs on Reddit today and then really wanted to expand on it, including some possible solutions.

First, an important update: Where I’m at with Depression and How I Cure it Every Time and Some Notes and Tips on Productivity Exhaustion may be useful to you.

Second, a quick article to read afterwards: Modeling and Detecting, Important INTJ Skills — this article illustrates even more things that helped me on my own journey toward conquering depression.

How to fight depression’s loneliness: Interrupting my self-sequestering behavior

In fighting loneliness, I discovered that I could make little decisions that helped me out. Decisions that improved my chances of feeling social comfort and camaraderie. In effect, some of us are able to force ourselves to bring balance back to our lives and include more social activities. We see the problem, then we do something about it. I got great results from following my own plans for achieving balance:

1. Identify some low-impact, relatively easy, friendship and social activities
2. If you exercise alone, see if you can do it in a place where you might have an “accidental” encounter with another person
3. Move away from “extremely-high impact exercise or nothing” mindset. Go on a short walk, for example, or re-visualize and reorganize your bedroom. Such exercise is sometimes more socially amenable.
4. If possible, I would include values-based activities, like spiritual community participation, community volunteering, etc.

Sometimes I thought that being around other people would make me feel worse. Often that turned out to be right, but not all the time. It helped me to track the severity of my symptoms; this gave me an opening to make my first steps toward more socially-outgoing behavior when the depression symptoms weren’t as severe.

How to fight existential angst during times of depression

To fight existential angst, therapy can be a great option if available. I personally found that if possible, it’s best to meet with a therapist who is a good match for your personality type. When I met with a therapist, I would ask myself—are they:

• Extravert, or Introvert?
• Thinker, or Feeler?
• Intuitive, or Sensate?
• Perceiver, or Judger?

Here is a helpful chart for reference.

If the therapist’s personality type was not a good match, I found that I could end up with someone who might have helpful tools for me, but delivered them in a strange (to me) way, or someone who encouraged me to develop gifts that they possessed rather than nurturing my own gifts. I don’t really blame them—that’s hard work, softening up your own psychological point of view so that you can recommend that someone else walk a path that seems foreign to you.

Identifying and scrutinizing unhealthy world concepts

I find mind mapping to be a great way of getting mental imagery on paper. This helps me get my thoughts out in a concrete way, so my thinking brain can begin to categorize, systematize, organize, and solve problems.

I would ask myself: What does your vision of the depressing world look like? Why does it look like that? Are there some big pressures on me right now? (School, work, family, etc., list them)

Have I had any recent experiences that led me to think in this way? (Watching a depressing film, hearing some sad news, reading an apocalyptic novel, or whatever)

What would help me to get objective data in this area? For example, someone else’s perspective. The fact that others are positive tells us there may be things out there worth being positive about, no matter how much we feel the opposite is true.

In that case, some shocking perspectives were really uncomfortable but did provide me with quick relief: If it’s school—*If you don’t want to write the final papers, don’t do it.* Quit school and figure out something else to do. Or change majors. Or put school on hold while you start a business. See? Fixed the depression. (You may laugh, but I’ve seen this work. The depression stopped instantly.)

If anybody can quit school, it’s an INTJ, the master contingency planner.

University Admin A: “The objectives and targets always came from us. Who’s giving them to him now?”
University Admin B: “Scary version? He is.”
— Slightly-modified Bourne Supremacy quote.

Fighting thoughts of suicide

Regarding thoughts of suicide, I’ll make a couple of general points:

First: Immediate help such as an outside-ask and things like suicide hotlines are available. An outside-ask is where you ask someone for help instead of continually pushing yourself to work through it alone. You can go to the hospital, or ask someone you trust. I found that even hanging around other people would help, sometimes. Regarding suicide hotlines, people recommend this like it’s some sort of emergency eject button, but some report it doesn’t help them. I have never tried it myself. Still, I always thought that if I was thinking of suicide, I might as well keep the options open and that may include calling a suicide hotline service.

Second—this was an important discovery that helped me: Suicidal thoughts represent very black and white thinking, right? “Things will never go well and I’m doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.” or, “Success and fulfillment now or imminent death.” It’s almost comically hyperbolic.

Maturity is marked by solving problems with nuance rather than black and white thinking. So, I learned to give myself permission to do a full range of things before seriously going suicidal. For example, quitting school. Wouldn’t it be better to do that than die? Or, before quitting school, changing majors. Or, before changing majors, taking medical leave or meeting with a counselor in person.

Often, counselors will refuse to discuss online if you’re suicidal. Especially via email or Skype. This is unfortunate because these are some of the easiest methods for an INTJ. So I found that I could feel frustrated and blocked by that. But at the same time, it’s not like I was glued to a chair in front of a computer. And a lot of the time I found that I would autodidact (self-teach) my way through some of the issues anyway.

I found that psychiatry could help, when I needed it. Therapists and psychiatrists can make a great team.

I kept a log of these therapeutic experiences and it helped me to identify what was working and what was not.

Many INTJs who are first confronted by thoughts of suicide can get pretty freaked out just that the idea of suicide even came up. This happened to me. However, I also learned that my mind and body were exhausted. They needed a vacation of sorts. They needed support. Everybody needs those things; without them, it can be hard to bounce back from even “normal” problems. So it is freaky, that’s for sure. But I learned not to be too surprised, given the circumstances. Once I found time to rest, the feelings would often pass and I could learn to confront and overcome the feelings in a less-urgent setting.

INTJs are very objective thinkers. However, our specialty feeling process is a subjective feeling process. I found that it was crucial to bring in measurement, like a spreadsheet, like research questions, like third-party input. All the objective stuff. Because subjective feelings can really be unreasonable and near-nonsensical.

I found that it helped to view the suicidal thoughts as a sign that my mind/body wanted attention now. “OK body! Sorry buddy, I’m all ears.” I learned to never ignore it. I would immediately make a plan. I found that sometimes all you need is some proof that you are making a bit of progress. Taking decisive action. Even (or especially) mundane stuff. For example, I made a list of things I felt like doing. If I didn’t feel like doing anything, I would get some sleep first.

I also learned that there may be some important decisions to consider, like quitting a crappy job. Being decisive was helpful. I would try it, see how it went. “Now I’m back to square one, but at least I don’t want to jump off a bridge.” Whether a big decision or not, it felt good to be in control of life again. The next job or opportunity would usually be better.

Fighting over-dependence on others for positive feedback, or for fixes to problems caused by our own behavior

INTJs can become very emotional with relationship partners, children, parents, etc. looking to them as a sort of medication. This is risky behavior for an INTJ since it conveniently masks the need to take responsibility, take control, and be creative. And INTJs are great at those things.

In my experience, dependence on others is likely to get at the wrong means of solving INTJ problems. INTJ thinking (objective research and measurement of actual data) is better than INTJ feeling for this stuff. By a long shot. Sometimes though, I did just need to be around people, and that’s OK.

How I fought a tendency to be critical of others and their motives

I noticed that this biting criticism was very easy when I was exhausted. So I learned to recognize that I should get some sleep first, or meditate. I would make sure I felt rested and relatively calm. Next, I would refer to a journal of progress in working on my own life. For example, I’d make a list of things I needed to do, and next steps on those things. Whenever I do this, I find that I regain control, and as a result, my patience with others would start to come back.

It also helped me to study personality type. Rather than expecting others to “know how to be an INTJ”, I found that I could learn their strengths, and speak to those strengths when I communicated with them.

How to fight a loss of effectiveness at work/school tasks

To fight a loss of effectiveness at work/school tasks: In many cases it was helpful to me to take my planning away from my computer or phone. When I arrive at the computer, I have a plan in mind. I add time-wasting websites to my browser’s “banned websites” tool, or I play a little game where I start with 50 points each day, and lose 10 points for every time-waster website I would visit, gaining back 10 points for every 30 minutes I spent on a values-directed, goal-oriented activity, no matter how simple and fun. The key was fun. I found that some websites were sucking my energy away, keeping me wrapped up in a stress cocoon.

A big danger of the computer is the reinforcement loop. You may know about this from Youtube’s video suggestion features. If you watch one video about “10 Home Improvement Tips” pretty soon it thinks you are REALLY into Home Improvement Tips. Well, I found that my mind has an inner system that does the same sort of thing. A computer can become just one more tool for such reinforcement.

Do you have a list of things you don’t wanna do, but which are super necessary to do? Here’s how I attack those. I call it the Three C’s: Comfort, Clarity, and Courage.

1. Comfort: Get comfortable.
   1. If I’ve been procrastinating for a while, I probably need to use the bathroom, or hydrate, or get some quick exercise.
   2. Maybe you need to turn the lights on. Or get dressed.
   3. Do some “I wanna do” things. Maybe you want to go to the store really quick, just for 15 minutes. Set a timer, and do it.
   4. Do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable and ready to make your day better.
2. Clarity: A key to ending the procrastination cycle is to know the details of what you need to do.
   1. Identify where your papers or list of tasks is.
   2. Gather those things.
   3. Make sure each step is written down.
   4. Write down a time estimate next to each step. There should be no step longer than 20 minutes and ideally the steps should be around 2-7 minutes each. This way you really know the details and it’s easy to grasp your tasks.
   5. Identify the easiest things to do first.
   6. Identify the things that call out to you, the parts that seem most interesting.
   7. Now you can choose: Do you want to do the easiest parts first, or the most interesting? What’s the most interesting thing that takes the least amount of time? Things just got a lot easier.
   8. Doing the little stuff will build up “task momentum.” This is why prioritizing by “I HAVE to do this first” is dangerous. It can prevent you from taking any action at all.
3. Courage
   1. Make a commitment. Gather your courage. Sometimes I say a prayer and ask God for help with my efforts.
   2. Consider putting on some music that helps you feel courageous and in control. Sometimes I put on a movie I’ve seen before (I’ve seen it before, so I don’t need to actively watch it), which involves action or detective work, etc. That’s the mood you want to be in: Kick butt and solve problems.
   3. Write down how you’re feeling: Ready? Or Not Ready? If you’re Not Ready, you need to go back to either Clarity or Comfort.

With this process I have solved gigantic problems. I hope it helps you, too!

As a kind-of fourth C, Communication is also huge. I learned that I could tell counselors, tell professors/teachers/bosses that I was struggling. “I’m struggling right now. If you have some feedback for me, I’d love to hear it. I’m not sure I know how to get through this at the moment. In your class/team/job I seem to be struggling most with X and Y.” I learned to be open-minded and try everything they suggest. Then I would report back to them. Not treating them as if they owe me anything, but just being responsible and keeping communications open.

How I regained the joy found in pursuing my usual interests

Years ago I started a list of my interests. Why? Because I would forget about them otherwise! Someone would ask me what I liked to do, and I’d think, “uh…computers…read books…uhhh” but in reality, my interests in those areas were very deep. So I started a list of my deep interests. There are some peculiar hobbies in there, like collecting little toy race cars with rubber wheels and lots of decals. But that is way more interesting to me to remember than reading “toy cars”.

I also create my own rule-sets and frameworks for lots of things now. Rules for being me, rules for working in the morning, working in the afternoon, rules for the end of the workday. But this also includes the fun stuff. A framework for various hobbies. A framework for taking vacations. And so on. It feels great. I found that it’s most helpful to complete the loop and refine my ideas, or go back and edit them, as I get more experience. Frameworks should gradually become more elegant over time: They should become both simpler and more powerful. Please see more in my article on “Ti”, linked below.

How I learned to fight heavy reliance on sensory excesses

INTJs often find themselves giving into sensory excess when they feel down. This can include: Drinking, drugs, overeating, binge-watching TV or movies, binge-surfing on the web, PMO, other sensory activities (possibly undereating/overexercising too).

I call these “cave man behaviors”. In my opinion, you don’t have to feel guilty if you’ve been indulging in some action films while depressed and have become a sort of aficionado. And sure, it’s important to work on the more destructive ones. But I think everyone has a bit of cave person inside of them.

For us INTJs, the INTJ brain-body system automatically goes here if we aren’t giving our gifts enough attention, or if we are overwhelmed. It’s a cave man response: “Gog no can figure out how to make fire. Gog go smoke a cigarette.”

I found that I could attack these problems with extraverted thinking (Te). Te is like the modern man emerging from cave man mode, to implement the amazing gifts of your INTJ brain. Look up Te and read all you can about it. But here are some steps that helped me:

1. Keep a log of times and places where these activities occur for you. Where do you smoke? When?
   1. Look for patterns
      1. “Every day at 2 o’clock I start binging on ice cream”
   2. Analyze
      1. Oh, maybe that’s because my 5 p.m. deadline is coming and I usually haven’t done anything. I’m really anxious.
   3. Brainstorm
      1. “OK, I’ll try going to the library to work there, instead of working at home.”
      2. What other systems could you put in place that would help you? Could you test your productivity at other times? Could you experiment with team-based work?
   4. Get organized, you’re INTJ-good at it
      1. This is huge for Te—it is very good at seeing a pile of junk and turning that pile into a system.
   5. Find others who have accomplished great things with systems and organizational thinking.
      1. For example, I like the Ace Productivity podcast (not affiliated)

How I learned to stop fighting individual symptoms and improve my life

I found that I needed to start thinking better and develop my own methods to help me tackle life with huge amounts of leverage. It’s not easy at first, but the better I became at it, the more motivation I discovered, and the more of a happy person I became.

Finally, as an invitation, I hope you will consider starting your own blog or writing an outline on the topic of dealing with depression or good mental health. Why? Because INTJs often learn best by teaching. Funny to think about, but really too true for many of us.

I hope you find this useful. Let me know (email address is up in the sidebar) if it helps you out. I love hearing from my friends of all personality types.

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Impressions: A book doesn’t have to be great, just a bit inspiring, and even then only in parts.

Also, I’d like to move up my memory list to the 2-digit words, review them. Find that—Lorayne?

• From The Care & Feeding of Ideas, ch 1.
  • There are books listed in the back (for the first chapter) that cover the creative process of several individuals. I think it’d be fun to read some of these.
  • It is much easier to be creative when you are motivated. Intrinsic motivation makes it easier to be creative than extrinsic. Shakespeare basically said, “study what you want to do” because this implies intrinsic motivation and eventual creativity.
    • I wonder how I can find a niche within what I do that is most intrinsic and thus opens doors to more creativity and motivation. Lately there is something about IT and sysadmin stuff that speaks to me, that’s for sure. But it’s not just that. There’s something more. System administration. Scripting. Etc.
• The Mind Map Book, page 136
  • “Why would it be fun to…?” This mind map looks really fun and I would like to try it.
• Nardi, 8 Keys to Self-leadership
  • p. 146, Fi exercises.
    • Let go of a belief that’s holding you back. Yesterday I felt I was missing something by holding such high expectations of myself. I could enjoy my family as-is! I’m helping them make memories.
• Type Talk, p. 227
  • INTJs learn by arguing
    • which can be seen as obnoxious by others.
• The World According to Mister Rogers, p. 129
  • This is a really neat experience—going up to the mountains to listen to music, read, pray, listen, and sleep. What would my equivalent be? How would I accomplish it? It sounds wonderful.
• How to Win Customers and Keep Them For Life, p. 122
  • The principle of lagniappe. Giving people the number of scoops of sugar they asked for, then adding a little more, smiling, and saying, “lagniappe” (lan-yap).
    • I can do this. And it sounds amazing to me. Do a little more for my clients. Communicate that I did it. And that it was free.
• Berens, Understanding Yourself and Others
  • BLM: Be Like Me—we sometimes get upset or frustrated that others don’t behave like us.
  • BLT: Be Like Them—we sometimes get upset or frustrated with ourselves that we are not enough like others.
    • This one is heavily reinforced through e.g. advertising.

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• The Mind Map Book: Using a mind map for rating choices—giving a group of branches a score from 0-100, then repeating, then adding all up, pros, cons, and deciding based on overall score. I’d like to try this.
• Survival Games Personalities Play: I want to look up gestalt exercises.
  • Also in the aforementioned case study, the object is taught to smile at three people a day. This made a big change for them.
• Getting to Yes: I’m getting further down the track here, but thinking up possibilities is one I’ve been good at in sticky negotiations in the past.
• The Highly Sensitive Person: Physical form of therapy. Exercise. Medicine. And so on. This is good stuff.
• Type Talk: Diet and MBTI! Wow. INFPs and ENFPs most likely to have eating disorders, Feelers most likely to have trouble with food due to things like food being a zone of social comfort, acceptance, gifting, etc.
• Super Memory, Super Student: I am very excited to learn the 1-100 mnemonics. Updated my flash cards. Someone mentioned the other day that it’s cool to memorize license plates seen every day, and then recognize them when you see them again—a neat feeling.
  • I’m thinking “what else can I memorize” now, and it’s a helpful thought.
• Mr. Rogers Quote Book: You don’t have to be like Mister Rogers, says he—even parents who yell sometimes are ideal in that they show children that they can be real and have real emotions without hurting others.
• How to win customers for life: Look for buying signals. Like showing lots of interest. I lose this sometimes. When there’s a bunch of buying signals, pay attention to negatives and use e.g. warranties, try-it-outs, etc. to deal with, then ask for the sale. Shall we get started?
• Cheetah Negotiations: Negotiating with ENFP Anton. My guess is that I’d get along well with Anton, so my GUAL would be if he said e.g. this is my stuff now. My ZOPA would be that we both want to try new things. So getting him to deliver and then consult on the new project would be huge.
• Please Understand Me II: Rational spouses. Interesting that it lists ISFJs, first I’ve read of that but it makes sense. It also mentions ENFPs. There’s something weird there. Also mentions the need for a mind-mate. That’s good. Now how do I find more mind-mates IRL?
• Charisma, The Art of Relationships: Learning to accept and adapt to your organizational position after benefiting from a close relationship with a now-dead superior after a while. Makes sense. Think objectively. Get outside feedback.

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• From Getting to Yes: Don’t negotiate by taking positions.
  • Fascinating…what’s next?
• From Survival Games Personalities Play:
  • Taking Over the Nitpick Game, p. 108. Invite the rational to bring all criticisms and concerns to your immediate attention.
  • Fulfilling the Rational’s Basic Needs, p. 109. Read the case study—very good.
    • Case study contains advice to take a math class and get no greater than a C grade. Man it felt enticing to read that.
  • Need/want to learn more about stopping the robot games.
• From Super Memory, Super Student, p. 104—how to never misspell a (particular) word again. Want to try that.
• From The Mind Map Book
  • Ulf Ekberg experience and mind map, p. 116
  • Artistic mind maps…amazing thought, would like to keep kicking that idea around.
  • Buzan’s books may be gimmicky but man are they fun to read. Approachable, friendly, human, loving. Maybe look at buying more in the future.
• From Please Understand Me II
  • The Values of Rationals, p. 187, has a table containing the things the various types prize. This is fascinating.
  • Bottom of page 191…“Rationals cannot ask for deference, just as [other types cannot ask for thing they prize]…I really want to know this better. What is deference exactly? And how can I give others what they prize, in a constructive manner?
• In Cheetah Negotiations, p. 48 we find a terrific example run-down of a negotiation with an ISTJ. Amazing, this book meshes MBTI with negotiation tactics.
• Mister Rogers quote book, p. 39: Even if you came in 2nd or 3rd or 4th, I’m proud of you because you did something you’ve never done before. [I want to be like this with my family]
• Type Talk, p. 203 talks about pet types. I knew it!! I think Einstein is an ISTP. Watson, probably an INFP or something.
• Charisma, The Art of Relationships, p. 48: “Do Your Position” vignette.
  • Being a leader means that you will have to piss people off sometimes.
• The Highly Sensitive Person, p. 174, has a rundown of the different types of therapy.
  • Most interesting to me this time was spiritual therapy. I thought it could be a great idea to ask people to pray as a first step of some hypothetical spiritual therapy. Say, for a week, pray for God’s help in discovering His love for you. Anyway, this is an exciting topic to me somehow.
• How to Win Customers and Keep Them For Life, p. 115. Terrific example. “If it costs you five thousand but does you fifty thousand dollars worth of good [great phrase, better than saves you, better than makes you] then by any yardstick you’ve bought a bargain.”
• From Ambercarenet’s Memorization Article: The Roman Room method. 10 pegs in a room, starting at corner nearest left shoulder when you enter the room. Should end at 8 at entrance, then 9 is the floor and 10 is the ceiling.

Also:

• Started learning, and practicing, Ford Shorthand. What a breath of fresh air after struggling with Gregg on and off for a while.
• Along those lines, I’m exploring Handywrite, too.

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From “Survival Games Personalities Play,” by Eve Delunas, Ph.D.

Delinquency is one form of the “Blackmail” game that Artisans play when they feel anxious, intimidated, not good enough, or scared. The two purposes of the delinquency game are to excite one’s self and to punish others.

Typical Cycle of Delinquency in the ISTP, ISFP, ESFP, ESTP child (also known as the Artisan or SP)

1. Artisan child misbehaves
2. Parent nags or criticizes them about it
3. Artisan (observing that he is succeeding at exciting himself and punishing others) continues to misbehave

Solutions

1. First, it is important to stop any criticism, nagging, or emotional outbursts from the critical parent, which Delunas terms “commercializing.” The parent should immediately stop “showing the child commercials” about why it is bad to misbehave.
2. Enforce “logical consequences.” These are unemotional, “A follows B” consequences. For example, the child hits his sibling, then he is placed in time out for N minutes. Or if the child leaves his bicycle on the driveway overnight, he cannot ride it the next day.
3. “Very often” it is possible to get SP children to stop playing their delinquency game by placing them in isolation for three to twenty minutes, depending on age. This is effective because it takes these “little performers” out of the spotlight they feed on.
4. After coming up with a consequence, it is important to use it consistently, and without emotion or any “commercials.”
5. These children are gamblers and risk takers and envelope pushers by nature. If they can see that they are pushing you, they will push more. If they can see they are testing a boundary, they will test it further. If they have one warning, they will tend to shoot for two or three or four. If they get commercials, they will become determined to continue misbehaving.
6. It may help to do the unexpected.
   1. One method is to have parents take notes on the child’s behavior rather than respond verbally. Without the usual reaction from the parents, the child will abandon the game. This gives the parents the opportunity to communicate their feelings, too.
   2. Oddly enough, thanking an Artisan for an outburst is sometimes a way to shut down the behavior. Giving them a positive reward like fake money that can be saved and used toward some fun event has actually resulted in the tantrums stopping after a week. This is because the Artisan’s goal was to misbehave—that is the game they were attempting to play (purpose: excite self, punish others) to exploit the situation, and it did not work.
7. One parent learned that while they could not nag their Artisan child into cleaning their room, they eventually got the child to clean the room by intentionally “absent-mindedly” littering and dropping garbage (soda can, spilling the laundry all over the floor) in the room whenever they entered. Then they would leave. Soon the child was asking them to stop and keeping the room clean on his own.
8. Beneficiary consequences: You can give the child the opportunity to do something good as an alternative to the punishment. For example, yard work for the neighbor instead of depriving them of the use of their bicycle.
9. Therapeutic contests: Artisans love contests. They love the attention, the risk, the competition, and the opportunity to impress others. One ESFJ mother was tired of her Artisan son’s misbehavior at dinner, so she would set a timer for a different time during the meal every night. When the buzzer went off, every child who was behaving well would get a small prize. This corrected the behavior.

Monitoring the solution

1. It is important to follow up to make sure the “logical consequences” stay logical. They should be unemotional and natural, like the law of gravity. One family complained that their “logical consequences” weren’t working, but on further questioning it turned out that the father was completely blowing his stack, punching holes in walls, etc. every time the consequences were handed down. This was just returning the ISTP to a desire for more delinquency.
2. Also remember to provide emotion and good outbursts and spotlighting for positive events.

Reinforcing the positive

1. Artisan children (in fact all artisans) need creative challenges. ISTP children need time alone to create and think.
2. Artisans are graceful, bold, and impressive in whatever type of artistry they pick up—in running marathons, performing music, building houses, whatever it might be.
3. In relationships, Artisans are open-minded, colorful, clever, generous, kind, hardworking, and forgiving.
4. Artisans remind us to enjoy the present, and show us how to laugh. They are inherently optimistic.

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