Sometimes people ask me what I’ve learned about sleep and personality type. To me there is a huge overlap between sleep and the dynamics of human personality. So I decided to write out some notes on my observations, along with a brief writeup about the way I have learned to sleep.

Some Initial Observations

First, here is an outline which hopefully gets at the basic structural logic for my thinking:

• Poor sleep tends to exhaust an individual’s means of maintaining a subjective sense of well-being. This includes physical and mental well-being.
• Mental well-being includes the capacity to sustainably engage in long-form productive activities, and this capacity is easily compromised without proper rest. (I consider the negative effects to overlap suspiciously well with the cultural concepts of issues like ADHD, even if not as closely with the exacting medical concepts)
• A state of poor sleep tends to allow the less-wanted, less-conscious modes of the personality to erupt or intrude more frequently than usual. This outcome is easily related to personality models.
• In many personality type models, there is a “shadow” or “opposite type” sub-model of disintegration, which represents a specific, less-conscious mode of the individual’s interaction, perception, and judgment structures. These models offer additional leverage in exploring the unwanted outcomes or aspects of an individual’s subjective life experience. One term used to describe this mode in which such outcomes are more easily experienced is “disintegrative,” as opposed to a healthier “mode of integration.”
• In my experience, this disintegrative, or disintegration mode is more commonly reported or easily observed when the subject also relates that they are getting poor sleep.
• In my opinion, it is important to consider that poor sleep may at times be the more likely contributor to one’s perceived “personality issues” than a lack of personal development.
• This has had some surprising implications. For example, it could mean that the perceived gap between “immature, unhealthy you” and “mature, healthy you” could easily be bridged by a simple afternoon nap—at least in certain scopes.
  • Consider that this implication may make some complex and troubling issues seem simple to solve, but it is complicated by other issues. For example, a more agitated person who is not well rested may perceive that because life seems more grim and full of problems, they appear to have access to sharper perception. As a result, they will tend to attack problems with more emotional affect, leading to a sort of mirage of productivity—both in terms of the “perceived need for productivity” being a mirage, and in terms of the “subjectively perceived effect of productivity” being stronger than usual. These issues can easily lead to the perception that less sleep is better for the subject.
• As a corollary to the above, good patterns of sleep also seem to support a more effective, sustainable approach to other forms of personality development.

About My Sleep System

(I shared some of this on HN today, but I wanted to flesh it out a bit, so the following includes extra detail)

Some Background

To give some background, I previously suffered from chronic, severe depression and anxiety in my 20s and 30s. I visited a variety of different professionals and made some progress, but didn’t seem to find lasting solutions to the problems I was experiencing.

I eventually created a measurement system for scoring my daily outcomes; analyzing the numbers helped me figure out what mindsets, activities, schedules, and other patterns worked best for me.

I eventually started to realize that sleep was more important than I had ever considered before. I also had no concept of a standard for the kind of sleep I “needed to get,” and tended to just take as “normal” whatever sleep I could get during an average night.

Pretty soon this thinking evolved into figuring out what kind of sleep worked best for me. I watched my measurements and journal pages and learned a lot of new ways of getting effective rest.

Looking back, I also realized that when sleep got really difficult for me in my 20s and 30s (for a variety of reasons), this was likely part and parcel with the chronic depression and anxiety I began to experience at that time.

How Much I Sleep Now

After figuring out my best sleep patterns, I now sleep about 8-10 hours a day if you include naps. I try to aim for at least 6 full sleep cycles at night if possible. This means I go to bed earlier than I used to.

I have had experience with oversleep as well, and 11 hours is about where that line is for me.

Taking Supplements

I also started using supplements to help me get this kind of rest at night and would not go back. They are really, really effective. Here are some examples:

• Melatonin
• Valerian Root
• L-Theanine
• Some OTC sleep aids

Regarding stimulant use, If I get at least 8 hours of sleep I consider myself ready for a daily intake of up to 800mg caffeine for productivity and creativity. If I’m working with less sleep than that, I try not to take more than 100mg for a variety of reasons I measured over the years.

What if I Wake Up During the Night?

When I wake up in the middle of the night, which isn’t too often, I find it helps to go into a more executive mode (i.e. actively planning for, and doing things) as soon as possible, rather than laying around, or worse, waiting for the next sleep cycle.

I usually get out of bed immediately and get into what probably looks like a normal pre-bedtime routine. I use the bathroom, get a bit of water to drink, take an anti-inflammatory (I find that these work well alongside sleep supplements for me) or similar supplement and also a sleep supplement that I didn’t already take earlier.

I also eat a tiny bit of food, like a third of a granola bar or some mixed nuts, and then go back to bed and read from something I’ve already read before, like a favorite book. This is both for establishing a known feeling of comfort and also to prevent a stimulating, perhaps even dopaminergic response to new information.

This early waking by itself is almost never the same as a poor night of sleep, because the process gets it back on the rails and I let myself sleep in if I need to. I try not to use an alarm clock.

Finding One’s Own Best Meditation

I also developed a meditation system that is based on my own personality dynamics. This method almost always gets me to sleep at nap time without much trouble. It allows my mind to be active at a level that is also relaxing and interesting enough to preclude a drifting or unfocused mind.

Isn’t This All A Bit Much?

If this all seems fancy, it kind of is. And also: It works really well.

From time to time I still go in on activities that tend to rule out perfect sleep. For example, I may take off some random weekend and go out camping with the family, getting terrible sleep laying on the ground for a couple nights.

But part of the new me is knowing how to take really good care of myself overall. Setting those boundaries is not just important. It’s really proven to be crucial for the kind of health I want.

To everyone out there working on their own sleep system—Good luck and I hope you make awesome progress.

This is not medical advice—always consult a medical professional before changing your approach to caring for yourself.

Filed in: Productivity /120/ | Rest /22/ | Control /111/ | Therapeutic Practice /145/

Observationally speaking, I think what we might have here is another INTJ Navy SEAL.

And just to share, one thing that kills me about INTJs in the service: So many of them share these stories about how they gave a LITTLE too much without complaining.

Like having the armored top of your APC ripped off and dragged over the top of you as you sat in the cupola, obliterating your hip bones, and then being told to sit around camp and “recuperate” without any special medical attention, and then…doing that.

I haven’t heard any of that from this particular SEAL yet, but there are other really key signs of introversion in the anecdotes he relates.

Interesting stuff! I think our Fi-Se side is a natural fit for the special ops mindset, whether simpleton wargame hobbyists like moi or those who went and joined up.

Filed in: Thinking /70/ | People /74/

Hi everybody—I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the holidays. Things have been keeping me pretty busy here, but I wanted to let you know:

The Productivity Triangle framework has been updated with important new additions and changes.

Enjoy! —Marc

Filed in: Procrastination /23/ | Publications /44/ | Productivity /120/

As we hurtle through this combinatoric universe we call “life”, circumstances which add up to daunting personal challenges seem to be a given.

In these events, self-support is really important. I wrote about the SCUBA model before, and let’s just say—if you don’t have the right metaphorical gear, you may not make it through!

You will also become more resilient over time as you apply various tools and systems that are designed to support who you are, and who you can be.

But let’s stick with the big picture: In order to support yourself, it’s important to be able to believe in this “big picture” concept, and to have a set of ideals to believe in.

This may even feel more true, the more you yourself are, and have always been, a natural big-picture thinker—but it’s really true for everybody.

Discovering Your Big-picture Ideals

You may not feel like an idealist, but you probably have some big-picture ideals. Here are some aspects that can help you identify an ideal:

• Ideals may be described as: Hopes, beliefs, dreams, expectations. (“I believe life should be fun,” for example—but see the other examples below, as well)
• Ideals are sets of conditions you want to look forward to seeing in the future.
• An ideal outcome may not seem probable, but it will at least seem possible.
• You may not be able to describe all of your ideals, but you can feel them or identify with them when they are brought up.
• A rewarding feeling is attached to planning for, or expecting, the ideal outcomes.

One way I know my ideals are being supported is when I feel positive emotion. I may also feel more freedom to be creative, or to brainstorm new ideas.

Examples of Ideals

Here are some examples of ideals:

• I know people can work out their disagreements over time in a productive way, if they can be gentle, creative, and respectful.
• If we try to set a reasonably good example, this will often influence the people around us for the better.
• Exploring new phenomenon in life and in our universe can be a positive and energy-generating experience.
• We can work together as a group, team, or gathering and make big, positive changes.
• You’ll always be amazed by how much more fun you can have when you connect your goals with the right attitude or mindset.
• If we can reach win-win outcomes more often, we can be happier about the future of our civilization.
• We can search out, and find, people like ourselves who want to be creative, productive, and open-minded.
• If I keep learning, I’ll be able to give back to society in generous ways.
• Sometimes a pause in life can help us explore and rest, and find new creativity.

How to Put Your Ideals to Work for You

If you haven’t already, try to write down some of your own ideals. Keep them in a file, if you can.

Keep a list of media, such as music, paintings, movies, books, and video games, that instantly seem to teleport you into the world of those ideals.

For example, perhaps watching a Star Trek film really helps you feel optimistic about your life again, or a book like Scaramouche reignites your passion for life. Maybe the music of Daði Freyr helps you feel like your desire for creativity and life-exploration is part of a normal evolutionary path that humans often take.

Keeping a list like this can create a very powerful parachute-like resource for you, should you find yourself hurtling toward very hard ground—so to speak.

You may also wish to write down a list of friends, celebrities, or fictional people who bring the same types of ideals to mind.

Then, at the beginning of the next day, or even just the next time life gets tough, try this:

• Refer to your list of ideals, and the associated media.
• Directly experience at least some of the media—watch it, read it, play it, etc.
• If you have a list of people as well, review those people. See if you can metaphorically step into their shoes and experience the current events in your life as they would. What would they say, and do?
• Ask yourself how you can respect those thoughts, themes, and ideals, and live them, during this difficult experience.
• Explore new media (books, movies, Youtubers, or whatever they may be) to add “water to the well,” so to speak—new perspectives that build up your confidence and creativity.

Additionally, you can try:

• Asking if it may help to re-phrase, or change the way you communicate or think about your ideas, since they are based on your own ideals.
• Checking in later to reflect on what you’ve learned about living those ideals, including tips for respecting them in the future.
• If you have the energy: You may wish to try sharing what you’ve learned with others.

How The Results Should Look

As a result of this activity:

• Your own deeply-held interpretation of the beauty of life, or meaning of life, should feel like it is supporting you directly.
• You should feel more respect for yourself and your viewpoints. This should allow you to hear others out, and even take their ideas seriously.
• You should feel like you’re ready to be gently persistent with others, without as much of a need to critique others or tear them down.
• You should feel like you’ve learned more about your ideals, which is the same as learning more about who you are, even if you’re getting up there in years.
• You should feel like you can put your own ideals into effect directly, rather than just waiting for them to show up someday!
• If someone turns down one of your ideas, or seems like they don’t want to work with you, you should feel like there are always others out there who may want to help or even just listen.

You should also feel better about your beneficial role and position in life, and more secure in your ideals.

Congratulations, you are now even further down the road of making the world an even better place.

Notes On Going the Other Way

Sometimes we can get angry or upset when we feel like our ideals are falling apart, or our ideals are being disrespected.

To a big-picture thinker, it may seem like common sense to live based on a set of high ideals. How dare someone criticize such awesome perspectives!

But not everyone thinks the same way.

You may have found that you reacted to such a disappointment automatically, with negative results. This could be even more true, the more you feel like your ideals are disregarded by society at large.

However, quite a lot of other people haven’t been trained or raised to put their ideals first, in the way that big-picture thinkers do. Some have even been raised to equate big-picture thinking with naivete, or gullibility.

If you’re in such a situation, here ALSO it can help to refer to the steps above and put your ideals to work.

You can remain resilient and reinforce a healthy life by continuing to live your ideals, even if you do have to work to improve the way you communicate them.

If you do let your ideals fall through, and you “sink to their level,” please be very careful. This will not be a comfortable way to think for big-picture thinkers. So there may be a tendency to overdo it—to get really nasty or to take revenge for example.

In these cases, if you need to be persistent, it will probably be important to buy yourself time or distance, in order to think or plan more carefully and deliberately. And usually it’s worth it!

Conclusion

I hope this gives you some food for thought regarding ideals. In my opinion they are one of the least-discussed, but most powerful tools we have in supporting ourselves as we build a healthy life.

Above: Foster The People – Sit Next to Me on Youtube

Filed in: Control /111/ | Therapeutic Practice /145/ | Publications /44/ | Energy /121/

This is pretty funny. I always loved the Shipping Forecast for relaxation purposes.

And somebody let me know that there’s a Retro Weather Channel on Twitch now.

But Unintentional ASMR is a just a terrific idea for a channel.

A few favorites follow.

And this pure gem…(a pleasant little Jungian projection there at 9:48)

Filed in: Rest /22/ | Therapeutic Practice /145/ | Sleep /10/

Connor writes,

Can you share some surprising moments in coaching? [Paraphrased]

Here are a few:

Coaching for the Inebriated

There are some people who only realize they need a coach when they are drunk. In waking life they would rather ignore the idea. It’s new, weird, or scary to them.

These cases are more obvious in part because after they get in touch during their drunken times, the very first thing the next day, they usually write an email saying they are no longer interested, or communicating a retraction of some sort…

This surprised me at first, because I never got drunk web development clients before. I guess people don’t think “I need a website” when drunk, so much as they think, “things in general need to improve.”

And the sad part is—coaching or no, these people still need some kind of help that’s apparently out of reach to their normal, waking mind. :-(

Tip: If you reached out for coaching while drunk, let it play out. Joke about it if you have to, but hang in there and see how it goes. You never know.

Coaching for the Lost

Some others get in touch because they need a therapist, and they want me to be their therapist.

Sometimes it’s difficult to set boundaries with these kind of people because they are unfortunately treating life as if all boundaries are blurred in the first place. If you clarify something, like “I’m a coach and not a therapist,” it can feel very hurtful to them.

After all, they usually realize this and are still more than willing to give it a shot, and they’d probably describe themselves as someone who bends over backwards for other people.

However—I just can’t do that. Not only am I not interested in being in the therapist role (some of my mentors were therapists, and we discussed the possibility), but I think there are some basics that everybody needs to pay attention to when they suffer from poor mental health, no matter their personality dynamics. Therapists are trained to cover those areas very well, for one.

Tip: Get and retain a good therapist AND a good coach if you need to. Try to avoid putting all that pressure on a coach who’s trying to focus on a different type of career entirely.

Coaching for the Socially-Broken, paid by the Socially-Able (or Mom)

There’s also a group of people who get in touch because mom’s paying. Or sister’s paying, or somebody more socially clueful.

“What do you want to accomplish,” asks my coaching intake form.

“My mom will tell you all about that.”

She will?!

Sure enough, there’s an email from mom. She wants her son to be…hmmm…just like her? Loving, confident, quick-witted, but above all, socially-appropriate and socially-skilled.

“God, to mix his brains with my relating skills, what an absolute hunk…err…model of a son he would be,” I think she thinks.

(Poor Dad is NEVERRRR spoken of in these situations, either. lol)

I can’t believe how patient some of these people are with their moms. But it’s a tricky situation, because moms hold the keys to a lot of things in life.

I was uncomfortable with this kind of coaching from the very start.

Tip: If someone else pays for coaching and you’re not 100% into it, at least make it authentic. Help your coach steer the conversation by bringing up things you are legitimately interested in, and see if they can help you make it enjoyable.

Coaching for the Mega-mind

Imagine you somehow dwell in a world of rabbits, and you’re the only non-rabbit, higher intellect you can find.

And then you realize that you NEED a rabbit as a coach. There don’t seem to exist any coaches with intellects greater than a humble rabbit, anyway. And an AI would really be ideal, but there’s a problem! The AI needs to approach your own ginormous intelligence…

…which, “we all know” this kind of AI isn’t ready for prime time yet.

“So in the meantime, you’ll have to do…”

“…by the way coach, if you need to schedule me, kindly use my convenient online scheduling system!”

(If I need to schedule YOU?)

Tip: If you are highly intelligent and proud of it, probably play it DOWN when getting coaching. At least at a start. Put some feelers out if you need to. But be careful being really direct about this. Otherwise any given session can quickly turn into some variant of a social-clues-and-hints session, despite the coach’s best intentions.

Conclusion

These are just a few that came to mind. Some others were even weirder…

Coaches often have to set really firm boundaries, but at least that makes for good exercise for the coach, too.

Filed in: Coaching /27/ | Relationships /78/

Erin in the Outback writes,

I am embarrassed to admit that I don’t know how to be in a long-term loving relationship. How should I love my partner?

This is a really huge topic. There are all kinds of approaches—love languages, interaction styles, and so on.

But let me share one concept. It’s one that I think a lot of INTJs will naturally miss, but I also think it will generally make them feel a lot better about themselves and their partner.

A huge part of love is attention given to the subjective history of the relationship.

Facing the future, part of your goal should be making good memories together.

But facing the current relationship, and facing the past, you should have some damn-solid good memories to look back on. They should make your partner feel good, and they should also make you feel good.

This does create some INTJ-style problems:

1. You have to remember stuff, somehow. (This is kind of a weird topic for INTJs, who will tend to over-commit to memory or under-commit, so please be gentle on yourself)
2. You have to pay attention to how you feel, in the moment. This is easier, but still hard when you’re worn out. Corollary: Be sure to do some activities together when you have plenty of energy.
3. You have to be willing to reflect on the relationship, like, “hey, today I was just reminiscing about” and have it not just be about sensations on your end, like hey, flying in a helicopter for the first time felt amazing. That’s not good because it’s more about what you felt, by yourself, and you don’t need a relationship for that.

So here’s what I suggest—

1. Keep a list of your top memories together. ALERT, ALERT: START NOW or ON DAY ONE. DO NOT WAIT. Favorite memories do not need to be N years old. Favorite memories can be N hours old.
2. If you can’t think of any off the top of your list, it’s OK to start with some intuitive-style hints to yourself, like “there must be something from when we were at the beach last month?” And later you can even ask your partner to help you remember, which in a lot of cases is less risky and even more fun for them than you may think.
3. Over time, sort the list and put your favorite memories at the top of the list.
4. Over time, break the list out into sub-lists. Favorite vacation moments. Favorite restaurant moments. Or “favorite moments of our twenties”
5. Do your best to include some actual quotes when you can. If you have to say, “sorry, I need a pen, I want to write down what you just said, that was great,” then boom, you have said something most partners can only dream about hearing from their partner.
6. In your list, do your best to include dates, approximate times, and locations if you can.
7. If you can add some context, like “we were both starving, and we went on this vacation knowing the food wouldn’t be that great, so it was funny but it tasted amazing anyway”, or “this was a difficult period in our life because…” then you are winning.
8. Bring these up when your partner looks like they are not hurting, not in trouble, not in danger, etc. In other words, bring them up when things are pretty normal, or when things are getting slightly better than a little bit ago. These moments often work best on the ramp upwards, so to speak.

Think of this activity as similar to sketching or painting. It can be impressionistic, but it should include at least some key details. And I guarantee you, it can become a really good hobby for an introvert.

Most importantly—this type of activity should be affecting YOU positively, as well as your partner.

Anyway, after the list is building up, it’s easy to calendar some recurring dates, if you need to, to review and then bring up these memories with your partner.

And if all of this is too much, there should be something here that is easy to start, or a bit more doable in part than as a whole.

BTW if you’re not in a relationship, this is also A) usable for general friendships and teamwork, and B) a great way to feel more secure in starting one.

Great question Erin, and I’m sure you’ll do great in your relationship, posing thoughtful items like this.

PS. Can you keep track of the bad stuff—yes but I think some INTJs will tend to overdo this, like as a contingency in case they end up in relationship jail or something. It’s not a good look but if you need to do it, at least try this other thing too.

Filed in: Relationships /78/ | Si /19/

Today I added four new INTJs to the list on the blog’s front page.

• George Lucas
• Rufus Sewell
• Julia Stiles
• Shailene Woodley

It’s been a lot of fun to reflect on their work and words.

Filed in: People /74/

Some people work really well with a system of rewards for things like productivity or progress on various goals. IF they do this, THEN they get that, says their personal system.

To me though, automatic, unearned rewards also need to be part of normal life. I find that I operate best with a good baseline level of life-sweetness which is always on.

I’ve also found that traditions are a really nice way of framing this kind of work.

New Traditions for a New, Upgraded Normal

Here are some of the things I look forward to that are more like weekly traditions now.

You could say that creating, modifying, and observing traditions is a big part of how I reward myself for just being me, and it helps a lot.

First, every Tuesday I check out a digital movie from my public library account. This means it will be returned on Friday. So it’s nice to watch it a little bit each day until the weekend. I really look forward to this because there are some pretty great films available. This new tradition has a noticeably positive effect on the middle of my week. (I’m currently watching The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot)

Second, on Saturdays and Mondays I add new JustWatch titles to my various account lists. JustWatch is a nice service that lets you see what’s just been added to Netflix, Paramount Plus, Hoopla, and many other services. On Saturdays I review titles from Monday-Thursday, and on Mondays I review titles from Friday-Sunday. This makes my watch lists pretty long and also fresh, which I’ve found is really good for my energy levels overall. This new tradition has a nice, temporary fun energy effect, similar to opening a small gift.

Finally, I look forward to cleaning and organization tasks on the weekend. I have a lot to do still, in pushing this tradition forward, but I notice that it makes my weekdays feel a lot better. Sometimes it’s physical cleaning, for example cleaning off a work surface or organizing a bookcase. And sometimes it’s digital cleaning, like reorganizing some folders on my work computer. This tradition has a very noticeable energy accrual effect in the short- and mid-term.

These three examples are all in addition to family traditions, like holiday observances, or Taco Tuesdays, or making a donut run on Friday mornings.

But most importantly: I’m always updating these. I tweak my traditions over time and keep a file with notes relevant to each one. The value of this kind of ongoing refinement is very easy to understate.

Conclusion

Those are some examples how I use traditions to set a rewards-baseline for enjoying a better week.

Do you have any traditions that are just for you?

What works, and what needs tweaking?

Filed in: Interests /111/ | Therapeutic Practice /145/ | Energy /121/ | Feeling /64/

Catching up on some Q&A:

J. writes,

I tend to get lost in my daily to-do list. Then I get frustrated. Have you addressed this in your productivity work?

Yes—for starters, please check out the Debriefing Module within Task BATL.

I just updated and reorganized this module, but it was always meant to address this kind of situation.

Additionally, Task BATL is meant to help you gain energy momentum for diving back into your to-do list, so the Task BATL system in general ought to help with this.

Beca writes,

I have a quick enquiry about Task BATL. Have you thought about publishing it into a book?

Yes, I hope to at least publish an electronic edition. I really like the idea of keeping the system simple, so hopefully that means it won’t be too hard to get out the door…

Antonio writes,

You mentioned [elsewhere online —Marc] that you have gamified your productivity system, specifically playing it like a game of golf. Is this a Task BATL feature?

Yes, it’s a brand new Task BATL experiment and so far it’s been fun to play. I hope to add it to the formal Task BATL system soon, but I want to make it a bit more adaptable first. It works great for me, but I realized that some people may want to play it in the opposite way, basically, depending on what they need from a system of productivity.

Several People write,

Is Task BATL a Te-Fi-balanced system of productivity?

It started with some emphasis on what you might call Jungian Te and Fi functions. But since that time I’ve decided to incorporate additional, non-typology theory and systems.

For now: Please enjoy using Task BATL!

Filed in: Te /36/ | Fi /35/ | Productivity /120/