Gan.

A Japanese word. Pronounced like “gone” if you’re American. Meaning: Cancer. In this case, hifugan. Skin cancer. A thing which apparently just won’t leave Australia alone according to a chart I just read.

And as in, I have it. Had it. Maybe have it still. I’m not sure.

God, what an explosion of mental activity occurred as I was told a biopsy would be needed, perhaps even a lymph node biopsy. I went in for a skin check and let the doctor know about the recent activity on my arm, a mole-like spot that seemed to be growing. The looks of concern were accordingly concerning and I could tell something needed to happen.

And my lymph nodes? What even are those? I’m no doctor. They just sound gross. Don’t take my gross stuff out. Keep it in there doing who knows what. I have blog posts to write.

I had flashbacks to the ’90s. Watching cancer drama shows on TV when nothing else was on. Those films never ended well, did they? Jesus. Maybe I could go out like that Tokyo bureaucrat from one of my favorite films. Build a little park before I’m dead and buried. Jesus.

“I’m sorry, I need to lay down,” I told the doctor. The assistant fetched me a small bottle of apple juice. I felt like I was going to pass right out. I have a long history of getting woozy in doctor’s offices, including one dramatic incident in which I ripped my ear open on some medical equipment on my way down to the embrace the floor from that high table, after having passed out. A neurologically induced drop in blood pressure is well within my repertoire.

To skip ahead a bit, I went in for surgery. I now have a long, gnarly, depressing scar on my forearm, and a mandate to report back for further examination. It’s been a busy few weeks. Mostly in terms of mental activity.

So before I depart this mortal sphere guys (kidding!), I thought I should at least share my recent study notes.

Astrology

• I started researching this because I was noticing patterns: On this kind of day / week / month / year, this kind of activity “works” or “occurs.” And these kind of relations don’t work. Or do. Weird! On this other day / week / month / year, it doesn’t! Jungian psychology gives a few little ideas on how or why this might ooccur. But who else studies this? Well, I think astrologers do, for one…
• To clarify, I don’t “believe” or “disbelieve” astrology; what I do is 1) experience it and 2) entertain it. Kick it around. And hopefully bring some organization to the experience, like with bullet points or something.
• I do believe that it’s important to close with Jung’s “object.” To really make contact with a thing before you talk about it, criticize it, whatever. Previously I trusted my intuition way too much in this regard, and it kind of turned me into a grump! So getting hands-on with some new topic before criticizing it is now my friend.
• When I hear black & white remarks about a thing, this I distrust. You know who really knows the thing? It’s rarely the person who says, “THAT THING IS AMAZING,” or “THAT THING IS AWFUL.” It’s usually the person who says, “well, it’s not perfect, but it’s not terrible either. You see, what you need to understand is…” you see? The nuanced viewpoint. In my experience, every tool, every mental framework, has its leverage point or set of leverage points. Finding those leverage points is important. Finding them is a matter of nuance.
• There are many different systems of astrology. I had no idea there were this many. I feel like more people who criticize astrology should know about this? From Human Design to Vedic Astrology to Sun Sign, to Medical Astrology, to Electional, to…well actually you know what? Have an incomplete list because those are usually at least a little bit instructional.
• There is a lot of tarot work mixed in with astrology, if you watch videos on Youtube. In fact, a lot of what I watched on Youtube is SO WEIRD and yet SO INTERESTING.

Speaking of which. Here are some Youtube videos and channels I explored a bit, and found at least a little bit interesting or helpful in understanding things (no affiliations, etc.):

• Beginning Astrology: Before You Even Learn the Zodiac was really helpful as a general overview, introducing the concept of different systems. The lecturer seems to know his topic well and I found that is voice was really easy on the ears.
• Sasha Bonasin has a pretty infectious energy to his approach. I generally want my INTJs to be aware of this kind of energy, and adapt it or attract it or do what they can to experience it on the regular, if they find it lifts them up a bit. (It’s easy to be skeptical, and I find that this energy is really good at repelling the inner skeptic, giving it a much-needed break to come back less grumpy and perhaps more accurate or appropriate).
• Stargirl the Practical Witch was kind of a cool channel to experience. I liked her general laid-back affect and found it easy to tune in without feeling blown away, so to speak.
• Debra Silverman has a pleasant, upbeat affect which I appreciated.
• The exquisitely-named Empress Moon Tarot 777 was psychologically good for me, outside of whatever was happening with the cards. I found that watching the videos was calming in that effeminate way. She reminds me of some ISFP friends.

This is a pretty early list; I’m sure there are way more out there that I haven’t yet experienced. Let me know if you think there’s something I should see.

Another important takeaway from astrology

You know what’s also really nice about astrology? It has a deep undercurrent of “take care of yourself” messaging and a pretty rich library of ways to express the nuances involved in this. For this reason alone I would suggest that a dip into the topic might be really good for an INTJ. We INTJs are not really known for taking gentle care of ourselves, and yet it’s something that’s certainly worth mastering if we want to feel like we are on top of life.

You could say that astrology attempts to break through and speak to your feminine side. INTJs can be over-masculine, kind of like this chart illustrates. This is worth knowing about.

Let’s take the extreme case, in which predictively speaking, you find that astrology does nothing for you. Moving away from that predictive aspect, which by the way seems to be decried by many astrologers themselves (I had no idea!), the various books and videos you’ll encounter will, outside of any predictive-type content, also do the following:

• Encourage you to be gentle with yourself when things are not going well
• Encourage you to practice setting boundaries with other people. This alone is huge for just about anybody
• Help you to critically examine (at least at a basic level) the things that are going on in your life.
• Encourage you to continue to critically examine what’s going on in your life, through various means—the senses, the intuition, etc.

I could go on. Most of this is really effeminate stuff. But these are big pros in favor of at least looking into astrology as an explorer.

I’m biased because I’m a life coach, but a lot of INTJs with whom I’m familiar seem only too eager to work themselves to the bone, studying, planning, or working for increased prosperity and security in contingency. And most of them don’t really know how to sense that about themselves, that bone-workedness factor, which is even more sad.

On the flip side of that tendency toward workaholism, there is often a tortured inner effeminate aspect that will absolutely unleash real and life-shattering chaos if it is not treated with due care ASAP. I have spent a lot of time helping my clients find that new equilibrium at an individual level. And no, it doesn’t make you more girly, it doesn’t turn you into a crystal healer—it makes you into a more peaceful and powerful person.

Well, that’s probably enough on this topic for now. But so far: I’m pretty impressed, and will continue to dip into the topic as time permits.

Other Studies of Late

• Solar: Being a ham radio operator has put me into contact with a lot of people who live off the grid. Otherwise normal people—a DJ, a business owner, a retired cop—who happen to know the basics of working with electricity. It’s kind of shocking how easy this is, in fact. I’m going to be doing more experiments with solar power. In the meantime, check out this fun channel which has been pretty inspirational, even if I would personally prefer to take a less chaotic approach to my experiments. :-)
• Old Programming for New Apps: I built a personal productivity app using Free Pascal and the Lazarus IDE. It was surprisingly simple and what little I remembered from learning Pascal in high school was easy enough to brush up on using a free PDF e-book. Within minutes I had a usable app up and going. Within another two hours I had built the app I imagined, and while it will probably never be quite good enough, I look forward to adding some more features. By the way, if you check the Internet Archive and find that all the good old Pascal books are checked out, I think this is why. You can even build mobile apps and web apps with this software and it’s 100% free and easy to figure out with a little study.
• Simulation in Practice: I’m working on upgrading my Fighting Green Dudes rules over time. But for now, I find them pretty fun to play. One of my next improvements is to take the rules to space for ship-to-ship combat and possibly colonization. I’d definitely like to make some moves into peaceful colonization-type simulation experiments, and the road map seems pretty straightforward.

OK guys—have a great day and let me know what you’re up to in this short & sweet INTJ life. I’ve received some kind emails recently and really appreciate them all.

Filed in: Openness /49/ | Energy /120/ | Interests /111/ | Intuition /62/ | Feeling /64/ | Control /110/ | Sensation /40/ | Therapeutic Practice /144/