The idea of “being attracted to attributes we need to develop” has been really blowing my mind lately.

Carol Pearson, Ph.D., author of The Hero Within, encourages readers to look at their spouse, partner, or close friend and ask themselves what positive attributes they see in that person. Pearson writes that we are attracted to those attributes because our subconscious sees them as attributes we ourselves need to develop.

Pearson then tells us: Start working on those attributes, in order to become your best self.

This has been absolutely captivating to me. It’s like a little analysis game that anybody can play. And at the end, you win an opportunity for growth. Possibly challenging, but one with some real depth to it.

I’m married to an ISFJ, an amazingly adept day-to-day achiever. And an empathetic one, at that. She lives to help people, which is something that I’ve always admired.

I’ve made this attitude central in my life for the past few weeks. Who needs help, right now? Can I just sit down, give them my attention, and put things in order?

It has worked amazingly well, for me. At the end of the day I feel like I accomplished real things, not just head-in-the-clouds things like strategy or learning a new language. Those are still good, but feeling more balanced in this way is great.

Filed in: ISFJ /6/