It’s weird to talk on an INTJ blog about stuff you suck at. Reason being, a lot of INTJs stand at the ready to tell you exactly how you should change in order to not suck. And even if they really don’t, you can still imagine all of them. You know what I mean. So talking about myself making mistakes here is not really fun except in that tricky but there’s a lesson here kids sort of way.

And one of the traps of just being at an INTJ is this subconscious-no-failure-admittance belief trap, this belief that if you only put that mask on and think of yourself as a success, at that point you will become successful.

So with that out of the way, let’s talk about some absolute suck. And I’m kind of going to glorify it, and love it, and embrace it, because 1) it’s actually pretty handy to mature beyond the typical Success-by-Faking-It 101 mindset, and 2) it is going to be one of the keys that helps me make progress in this diet.

Boom, Check Out this Progress

It’s been 2 whole weeks since my last update in which I shared my progress.

I have made no progress since then. lol. I am currently at 205.5 lbs.

BUT there’s a silver lining here. During the last 2 weeks, I gained, and then lost again, at least 4 pounds. So while I may be on a plateau as averaged over a time period, I basically fully lost track of, and recovered, my diet. So fortunately, my recovery system is working. I lost the weight. I lost it again, sure, but I lost it.

Stressful Triggers

The slide started when my wife went out of town to save the world in her capacity as a volunteer, and I had to care for the kids while also working. I also had some super stressful work projects going on, my kids got sick, and I had to care for them, and then I realized my normal exercise schedule wouldn’t work, so I didn’t get much of any exercise.

And in between all of that, I generally I wondered WTF was wrong with my horoscope, or whatever. You know that feeling? Things just felt off. And I didn’t have the energy to dig into it very far. So I tried to address that “feeling” first when I could, and then my idea was to address the diet later, because addressing the diet first just made me want to stuff my face full of food.

That “feeling” is also the same feeling which:

• Wouldn’t “let me” weigh myself more than a couple of times during the last 2 weeks.
• Wouldn’t “let me” blog here, at all.

My extraversion (measurement & info-sharing) was blocked by my subconscious. MYSTERIOUS MIND-RAYS INTENSIFY. Nah, it’s happened before.

Now, just in case you are reading this and thinking, “this guy lacks willpower, he needs a diet tracker app and a Fitbit” believe me, not only do I have that stuff, but this also happens to INTJs a LOT. When the universe isn’t cooperating, especially when circumstances suddenly change, we can feel just as stuck as anybody else. To deny this is kind of periodic interference is to repress something deeply troubling, and I just can’t recommend it.

You hear that? Coach Pop Tart over here doesn’t recommend it.

Which reminds me.

Check out this BONUS Progress

I know you guys are loving these details, so here’s another nice one: I ate a day-old, stale-af Frosted Brown Sugar, Cinnamon-flavored Pop Tart. I hate those things, man. They are my least favorite. I’m a berry guy. Cherry, raspberry, one of those is almost always worth the calorie expenditure on a normal diet.

I will spare you the debate over heated / toasted vs. “fresh” Pop Tarts.

I caught myself eating my kids’ leftover food a few times, a few (10) chicken nuggets here, “you going to eat this donut or what,” there, etc. Really beautiful stuff. I tip-toed around the kitchen foraging for food like some kind of junk food ballerina.

So this was some heavy-load stress eating. But I was STRESSED. It’s true.

I’m Still Totally Screwed

SO let me just wrap this up by saying: It’s possible that within the next 100 years I’ll be able to lose 2.5 pounds and hit that milestone of 203 lbs., which was supposed to be just one more milestone along the way down below 200 lbs.

But seriously, I’m feeling ready to normalize again and get back on the train. I can be persistent, and so I’ll just hang around the station until that train comes. The weight loss train that is; my diet is already back to normal and I’m guessing about 1 lb. a week of loss is worth aiming at.

However this is work and I have to fit it in with everything else. For now I’m just glad I’m not flirting with 300 lbs. like I used to. 205 healthy lbs. is terrific in comparison. I’ll take this a day at a time and continue onward.

Big helpers so far are:

• Hydration
• Attention to the effeminate, caring for myself and my stress levels
• Reflection both in a journal and here on the blog
• My wife for making some amazing food.
• Going to bed on time. I still medicate with about 8mg of doxylamine to shut my brain down, and I swear this has saved me from thousands of indulgent calories.
• Exercise. I have been on some epic walks and hikes recently and they put me in a healthier mood overall.

So. Until next time: Let this be a lesson to us both! Maybe mostly me!

But I hope it was at least entertaining.

Filed in: Anxiety /32/ | Therapeutic Practice /144/ | Control /110/ | Dieting /18/